This post will be an unexpected one… Totally an unexpected one... It used to be fun and joy while hanging out with friends. Today I guess most had enjoyed the PC Fair and also The Mummy: Tomb of The Dragon Emperor.
For me, it’s really hard for me to describe my day… So, I guess I will not update more about today’s outing. I’ve never had this kind of situation that I have to hide the desperate, sadness and sorrow all at once but trying to show the joy and fun on my facial expression.
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While on my way to KLCC, there is conversation between M and I, but it’s still just a failure to cover up my emotions. All the flashbacks just shrink though my mind. I’ve tried to be more positive, not to think of anything. I guess I didn’t make it, and I really couldn’t take it. I’ve turned today’s outing into turmoil…
Honestly to say that I was not in the situation while everyone is enjoying the movie… Lots of flashbacks again floated on my mind continuously. I really couldn’t control myself of not thinking about it. Writing more here just made it hard to describe the whole personality of myself today.
Changes of life is almost happening every day, every minute and every second… This is why every infant gets to see the whole new world on the minute of birth. How beautiful that moment it is. But then if an infant died just because of some circumstances, it turned out to be sombre, don't you think so?? This really reminds me about Wong Phui Nam's poem :
Mother, why did you let
the poison seep down,
blacken leaf and stem
from overhead course down the roots
to pinch and disarrange
the bulging knob
that was to find its shape
to be my head?
Why did you let
the poison seep through,
befoul the streams that join together,
from beneath well up as spoilt blood
to stain and soften
the hooked tail
that was to lose itself
for the forked ends of my limbs?
Did you not sense me,
image my face, my dumb form
before I melted back
into the glistening bunched gel,
red grapes shot thick with ash,
as I, expelled,
made my way out in my sac
filming over so soon with death?
Mother, tell me about your world.
Tell me if you found
the light of day so harsh,
the sight of all things
intrude with such sharp anxieties
upon your heart
and in the night, in sleep,
if you stumbled upon such upheavals,
your dreams could not connect
and you would let your hand to smudge
such traceries, filaments through which,
delicate and sure as crystals forming,
I was to emerge;
let your hand
disturb where no disturbances should -
random places, clear springs of life.
This poem recounts the speaker's entry into the world from his mother's womb. Which was also the thinking in me that why am I surviving so hard on earth. It is true that birth focus on the joy of new beginnings, but my life since young could be described with dark and sombre tone.
I really apologise to the ones if I’ve brought your mood so down today. I guess apologise means nothing… This mood couldn’t be repay with anything even with the word “sorry”…
I'm sorry !!! Really sorry... Really sorry to turned down your mood of the day... I really know what you're angry with...
Thanks Vivian for the whole day's accompaniment and giving me support...
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