Mix Feelings.....

the day dated 16th September 2010
i left Malaysia to Newcastle for
further studies and a place that
taught me to have life experience
for the studies wise not wanting
to mention that much and somehow
life experience in the place was
filled with burdens and challenges



somehow now im back to motherland
people might ask am i back for good
or am i just back for holiday and
seriously this question has been
flashing across my mind continuously
that even myself could not answer
it has been the tenth day that i
have laid my footsteps in Malaysia
but what i have been trying to do
even myself could not figure out



had been hardworking in Newcastle
for the job hunting part but
somehow it really disappoints me
where there were not even a reply
from what i have applied for
friends have been advising me that
finding job in Malaysia is easier
and there are more industry scope
to choose and continue with the
working life in future



somehow i kinda honestly share my
feelings that im seriously lost
the moment i step into the
motherland i just felt i lost
everything of what i used to gain
the moment i step back home im
proudly to mention that family
relationship is getting closer



i could not figure out why im
exactly home sweet home but
whenever i am alone either at
home or even driving on the
streets whenever im out from
the house i seriously do not
feel safe and being nervous



even the moments of meeting back
the friends whom i used to hang
out with totally made me felt
like im an alien who came from
space and landed on earth of
out of nowhere where i came out
with a conclusion that im totally
a stranger to all my friends or
was it myself who felt that way



driving alone on the road and
also walking on the streets of
petaling jaya area seriously
freaked me out where i seriously
just wanted to hide myself just
into a tiny magic box and just
hope i could distinguished myself



im having a good news of heading
for an interview next week while
at the moment still waiting for
the replies and chances from UK
and the faraway friend in Austria



sometimes i just thought that God
gave and shared the fairness
i had now gain the family closeness
but ended up relationship was a
failure that made me felt like i
was been stabbed by a knife

" Life is a journey, not a destination...... "
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

*****



~ Wish You Were Here ~


i can be tough, i can be strong
but with you, it's not like that at all
there's a girl that gives a shit
behind this wall you just walk through it


and i remember


all those crazy thigns you said
you left them running through my head
you're always there, you're everywhere
right now i wish you were here


all those crazy things we did
didn't think about it, just went with it
you're always there, you're everywhere
but right now i wish you were here


damn damn damn
what i'd do to have you here, here, here
damn damn damn
what i'd do to have you near, near, near


i love the way you are
it's who i am, don't have to try hard
we always say, say it like it is
and the truth is that i really miss

i had chosen to come back home
just because of you but somehow
i never know that it was a deep hurt
to you since early of the year
it was a quick start and quick end
but somehow i can't get my mind
away of not thinking of you
the promise that we made supposed
to be in july but somehow i came
back later a month and it all ended
right before im back, im deeply hurt
due to that broken promise.....