Ambigious.....

it seriously always put me into
the feeling like i just want to
hold a fist and punch the wall
i just do not like to see the
scene where my close friends were
sick, hurt or feeling discomfort



it will seriously makes my heart
ponders and my soul mulfunction
and then arouse the feeling of the
self blame that repeats continuously
that is where the punching wall mode
occurs at that particular time



just felt sorry for a friend today as
for me being a close friend did not
pay attention and caring enough to help
the patient while all i did was to
waste the money all the way to RVI
and they could not help to ease the pain
ended up wasting money all the way to
a rural area's hospital to cure and treat



this awful thought kept on running through
my mind as i kept on wondering was it me
previously who had misunderstandings with
the doctor and she tried to postpone and
made the waiting time for treatment to be
longer till 3 hours that seems to be very
unlucky for the patient to struggle in pain



the ambigious feeling arouse when this
feeling lucky for myself and the unlucky
feeling towards a friend is seriously
such a burden towards to comment on it
all i could do now is just to hope the
friend of mine could have speedy recovery
and have full time rest for the injuries



the ambigious feeling approached again
when an honest statement being revealed
while i was seriously not prepared of how
i should react spontaneously in order not
to reveal my true feelings and the "tail"
but somehow its a regret of telling the
friend to be honest and i just hope that
particular sentences just kept to be silent